I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
