I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
