Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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