non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I take back everything I said about communal showers
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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