my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
