meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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