girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
