also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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