I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
