I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
