sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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