youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
