is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Floor bacon is actually really good
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
