Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
