we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
