why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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