Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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