Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
