I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
