i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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