She said her name was "party"
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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