Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
The best revenge is premature balding
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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