I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
