I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
