Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
