I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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