eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
