God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
