dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
