summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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