So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
