apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
