I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
