i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
