sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
