she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
