the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
