At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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