i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i just google imaged poop.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
