You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Randomize
