Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
