So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Randomize
