I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
