The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
