Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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