I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Randomize
