3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
