Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
