his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
