If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
