Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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